“Thoughts are the shadows of our feelings - always darker, emptier and
simpler”- Friedrich Nietzsche
What do you do when effaced
with conundrum of thoughts, each rivaling the other, all confusing, rattling
your brain in the night dead beyond midnight? Definitely, you can’t sleep and
thinking logic is the capacity you lost last summer while jumping off, the
cliff of your rationality.
Why this to me, is what I
have always wondered, why am I forced to cling on to the drifting rafts every time,
scared of every tide of feelings that emerge from the ocean floor. At times I am
optimistic, I think almighty has been really kind, for, I still float while the
others drowned. I feel good. My faith in the eternity of my yearning to live,
tells me that the shore is not far, while at the other I am drifting away to
the vast unknown, having accepted my defeat. Every thought is defeated, every
inch is lost.
In between there are memories
of that childhood friend, with whom I never shared my candy, the girl next door
who walked around with the disheveled hair, the crush which got crushed beneath
the expectation of perfection. All these appear and vanish, while I cling to
the drifting raft floating in the ocean of my thoughts. Indeed, I have to
choose, choose the perfect or something which is nearly perfect, or that which
is perfect while I drift away. I wonder what forms the shadow- My
feelings or my thoughts. The light comes from my faith.
“In faith there is enough light for those who want to believe and enough
shadows to blind those who don't”.- Blaise
Pascal
